Skip to main content

Things NOT to Say to Young Adult Women

And let me tell you a thing or two...

There is a gap between young women and older women today, and it's not just generational; it's relational. Not everyone has this problem, but if you've been viewing younger women as those who "just don't know any better," maybe this blog will help. Gratefully, not all women are off course in this area, but here are a few examples of things that we should not say to our younger sister friends:



DO NOT SAY...

1. "Honey, when I was your age..."
Click-FOG. The young woman is still there, but her mind has checked out into that wonderful fog zone that only she can access. You are still talking, lips moving rapidly, but your words are just sounds in the distance now. By starting the sentence with a "let me teach you something, barefoot baby girl" tone of voice, you lost your audience before getting anywhere near your point. Focus on the question being asked; not on what you used to do. Of course, if you're asked about what you used to do (Wow!) go ahead and share things, keeping in mind that you are speaking to another adult; not to a child. Younger does not always mean "child."

Example: If a young woman asks you how you handled temper tantrums...
Good: "Tell me what you've been doing so far." (After listening carefully, offer ideas; not mandates: "Maybe this would be something you could try...")
Not so good: "When I was your age, I didn't put up with that kind of nonsense. I let my kids know who was Boss, and when I said 'Jump!' they asked me 'How high?' on the way up..."
Moral: Be a good listener, and think before responding. "He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him." (Prov. 18:13)

2. Let me tell you how to... I know, I know. It's hard to watch things happen and not run to the rescue, but do you remember how you felt when people did that to you in your 20s and 30s? I can remember having a total stranger walk up to me in a parking lot and offer to sign me up for community education parenting classes because my child was crying loudly on the way to the car! After she saw my tense eyeballs, she backed away from the car (almost with her hands in the air = not my best moment). Whatever we want to say, it will sound better if we've been asked first.

Moral: If it's not an emergency, wait until you're asked. You can pray while waiting. "He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears." (Prov.26:17)

3. This is the way we did it... "When we first got married, we ate all our meals together, did laundry as a couple every Friday, made a budget and stuck to it, rode to work together and recited Bible verses to each other in the car..." Relax. I'm making that up! But seriously, no matter how we did things when we got married, if we've been married for more than five years, things have changed dramatically. Think about it: You can make dinner reservations, airline reservations, hotel reservations, car rental reservations, and order a new pair of shoes; all through a slim little hand-held device called a Smartphone! When I got married in 1982, we didn't even have cell phones. We thought we were doing something when we purchased our first big old clunky cordless home phone!

Accept the fact that couples will do some things differently. We end up sounding like change-resistant fuddy-duds when we criticize change just because it changed! For instance, I thought Smartphones were a ridiculous invention, until I found out that I can get my boarding pass sent to my phone (very useful to the frequent flier)! Things have changed in more than just technology, and it helps if we'll do our best to keep up without making all change sound criminal.

Moral: Some change really is progress. Remember wringer-washers? "Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? For thou dost not inquire wisely concerning this." (Eccl. 7:10)

 4. You're so young, you may not understand yet... Whether married or still single, young people have more abilities than we realize. After all, if they've gone to college and paid any or all of the bill, they've had practice paying for big-ticket items. And if they're married, they begin making a multitude of decisions after they say "I do." Capability comes with practice, not just with age.

I can vividly remember going out for a dinner celebration after finding out that we were expecting our first child. At the end of dinner, Norman told me this: "Only one of us is going to work outside the home, and it's going to be me."  We had only been married four years when this pivotal decision was made. Young married people are not "playing house"; they are building a life together. We learned how, and so will they.

Moral: Remember that young people can have wisdom. It's not age-specific. "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity." (I Tim. 4:12)

Have you said something to a young adult that wasn't right? It happens, and it can be fixed. Heartfelt apologies are rarely turned down, especially when a person knows that you love them and you meant well. Apply this phrase honestly and liberally, as needed: "I was wrong. Will you forgive me?"

Young adult women make fun, exciting and enriching sister friends, if we don't alienate them.

"She openeth her mouth with wisdom: and in her tongue is the law of kindness." (Prov. 31:26)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Woman Down at the Beach

"Ah yeah ah...we have a woman down on the ground here at Pensacola Beach. Not sure what happened, but she fell and then she got up and then she went down..."

I could hear a man's voice trying to describe what had happened, but I couldn't speak. I was fighting my way back to consciousness.

All I was trying to do was go shelling at the beach.

I was on my way from my car to the restroom, which is the custom before a long walk. Restroom first. If you're over 60, you don't need a translator. A little toddler on the sidewalk was trying to sweep the sand with her hand, and her effort made me smile but also distracted me. I wasn't looking ahead,  and the moment my sandal connected with the edge of that sidewalk (right where the sand and sidewalk met), I went flying through the air and skidded across the hot, sandy cement.

Breaking a fall usually includes broken bones, so I am grateful to be typing this with no broken anything that I know of at the moment. There is a …

Habits that Keep You Broke

Do you suffer from "too much month at the end of the money?"

Being broke is often a result of habits that are kept like house pets. Working so hard and having no money in the wallet is self-inflicted bondage. How does this keep happening?

You've done the Dave Ramsey School of Stop That.

You receive notifications from your bank when your account balance is low.

You know how to do basic math such as addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.

So what keeps happening to your funds? You're subtracting faster than you're adding, multiplying debt and dividing your brain into stress-filled compartments that alternate between "Things are fine" and "This is such a mess." Is this right? No. Then what is it? Sin. Financial irresponsibility is sin. Is that the sound of your mind shutting down? Well, before you go, remember that the definition of sin is basically this: you know the right thing to do, but you're continuing to do the wrong thing …

Smiling Christmas Cards

There's a growing stack of Christmas photo cards that have been arriving daily in the mail. These have replaced the trend of the 90s: the "Christmas letter" (although I did get one of those). Not one picture has a grumpy face in it. That's how I know they're not real.
Someone in at least one of those photos was not having a good time, but they put on the happy face to hide it. You can hide a lot of stuff behind a smile.
Pictures are images of a moment in time when we posed for a camera. The moments immediately before are often chaotic, and the moments after are usually filled with relief. "I can't wait to have another family photo shoot," said one family out of 10,000.
Have you ever wished you could see Jesus in His family photo?
"Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost." (Matthew 1:18)
This family photo begins with Jesu…